I like fans’ sound at night. Do you? It’s like somebody big far away goes like: it’sOKit’sOKit’sOKit’sOK, over and over. From very far away.
david foster wallace (via kdecember)

Paul Rizza Reinvents the Ebook by Theo Thimo and Paul Rizza

July 22nd ,no sleep @ work

"Theo wat r u doing friday"
“Huh”
“Do u work friday”
“Uhm no”
“Do u want to go to cony island with me”
“Hahaha what”
“Im gonna go to cony island to see the sunrise”
“Hahaha”
“What”
“Oh uh idk seems early”
“Oh no we would go at 2 or 3am and see the sunrise and go back home to sleep i want to see the sunrise before i go back to my country”
“Ughh alright”
“You will come?”
“Uhm what r we doing again im sorry”
“To cony island”
“Hahaha oh”
“Why are u laughing”
“I dont know its funny”
“Why”
“I will come sure”
“Ok ill copy ur number from the book”
“Hahaha”
“Why are you being mean”
“Im being mean?”
“Yes im telling you ill text u and ur laughing”
“Oh no im not laughing at uhm, im sorry its not that uhh…”


July 22nd, decline sex to sleep on roof

uh god

coworker’s bday, wanted us to go get drinks after work so i came along, girl coworker keeps touching me, i realize i lost my keys at the reading last night and wont be able to get inside my apartment uhhhh god

we have to sweep b4 we can leave, i have to do it i mean uhhh godd, girl coworker is like ‘ill do it for u theo!’ im like ‘uh yeah do it then’ she starts to sweep and im like ‘oh ur doing such a bad job its going to take forever omg’

'theo shut the fuck up'

'where did u learn to sweep, from like the amish os?'

at the bar, i make another bad joke and bday coworker says ‘i like u theo bc u say risky things, ur not afraid to be creative w ppl, ur not afraid if something doesnt make sense ull say it anyway or if a joke flops ull just say it i think its brave’

'r u trying to say my joke flopped?'

girl coworker touches me from under the table, we make eyes at each other uhhhh godddd

'whos walking towards barceley center?' she says

she knows i am

'i am' i say

'will u walk me there'

we walk and i am not even making jokes anymore but she keeps laughing uhh god

i havent slept in 3 nights uhhh god

'i lost my keys to my apartment i have no idea what im going to do'

'omg theo u can spend the night at my place'

'oh?'

'yeah i only have the bed tho'

'oh, yeah, idk i think id rather uh figure out my housing situation i think'

'oh ok'

'yeah its actually just bc i feel uncomfortable w ur suggest situation actually yeah'

i walk home

front door is unlocked, apt door is locked uhhh god

try to sleep on roof, its impossible

theres a rope tied to a pole on the roof, try to grapple down to my neighbors roof to climb in through my living room window

too drunk nearly fall off, have a heart attack, clearly an awful idea uhhhh goddddddd

go to choice market bc its 6am and im hungry

ppl r out now, can they possibly kno im not like them? that i am the one awake all night?

go back to apt building uhhh god so tired

my phone finally died so i tried grappling down the roof again and i kind of did it actually

i climbed in through the window

midway through the climb i meet the lease owner for the first time

' im theo ' i sayk ' i lost my keys'

'oh'

hes foreign cant speak english v well

i slide the rest of my torso, head first down the couch and come back up to my feet, does that make sense

'u didnt tell me u had a cat' he says

'oh did i forget im sorry really'

'hes cute'

'oh good'

'also ur room has no ventilation so u can keep a fan next to the door'

'ok'

'ill be back in 2 weeks'

my other roommate is awake

'can i borrow ur keys to make copies' i say

'u could have texted me if u wanted to i was awake'

'oh well this is basically my life i think'

now i still cant sleep because i have to help my ex landlord with a flea infestation uhhhh god


coccolithaceae:

PAUL RIZZA REINVENTS THE EBOOK


july 19-21, Havent slept in 2 days

I havent slept in 2 days


July, themes of my nightmares (trigger warning)

Have had nightmares every night for weeks now and its becoming a little draining at this point. It’s just every night. Im tired of waking up in cold sweats or in tears, or yelling. I wake up so groggy and tired and drained.
The nightmares arent exactly the same but these are common themes/traits in them.

  1. there are a lot of minorities in my nightmares, that isn’t a frightening aspect of it but it seems strange that i’m always talking to sikhs and and africans
  2. either i am or someone i care about is being sexually abused.
  3. either i am or someone i care about is incapacitated by drug use.
  4. close friends can’t understand me or think it’s funny i am trying to communicate with them.
  5. overcast sky/night
  6. people from the internet are now irl
  7. my age can regress to like, 13
  8. people lock themselves in the bathroom and awful stuff is happening in there
  9. if i go on the floor, either in fetal position crying or incapacitated, my friends will touch me kind of like im a dying dog but then they’ll start talking with each other about like, sports or music
  10. i go to the bodega a lot
  11. orgies are a thing that happens a lot
  12. someone text messages me pics of ppl i care about being raped, and pics of abandoned houses
  13. last night’s dream, a friend from the internet is trying to comfort me but she isn’t really doing a good job and can’t really understand why i’m so upset about 4 of our friends being locked inside the bathroom, and i keep telling her to shut up but then apologizing afterwards, then i kissed her while crying and she said “kid, that’s funny” and i said it’s not.
  14. sleepovers, a decent size of friends are always sleeping over my house

Anonymous said: yo cash?? nonono! moneypak to paypal. cause odds are you'll be jacked before paypal is hacked

i love that people just send me so many messages now that i blog about my life a little bit, its like, surprising anyone reads any of this boring shit about my life tbh lol


Anonymous said: I think she meant you can't change what your drinking - your poison? Potion? - or else you'll be sick. Nice story.

lol how did i not see this message for so long



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